What did you do today?

[Goro Majima]

Glad you got swayed. Pitties are awesome!

 

[Reezo]

Life isn't always peachy, unfortunately, so don't feel bad about bringing the mood of the thread or forum down. This is reality.

I always thought therapy was a joke, but when my healthy girlfriend unexpectedly passed away in 2021 from COVID, I didn't know how to cope with life. First time that has ever happened for me and I've been through some rough crap that the average person will never have to go through. Losing Sherri was just too much to take. Anyway, I eventually tried therapy and it really helped for me. So it definitely works, at least for some people. At that time it was super hard to get into see a therapist as well because so many people were dying from COVID despite what the retarded deniers say. Therapy may be a good option for you and your wire.

Thank you for reaching out to me, this way. I am sorry to hear you had to go through such a thing: I can only imagine (and probably I cannot even actually fathom) what it means something like that. I have had therapy when I was about 23 and then again at 25, mostly to help me get out of some toxic relationship with an instructor I had started working as assistant with, and my parents, who had started opposing the relationship with my girlfriend at the time (now wife for 12 years). I have always believed in it and still do. As usual, it's done by humans and if said humans are not in their best intentions, everything becomes bad from good. But therapy in itself does work, I have no doubts. And there are lot of professionals out there who love their job and do it for the passion first, then for the pecuniary aspect (of course, why not, it's a job, it has to be remunerated).

The last days have been good, we go through bad days occasionally, and they are very bad days sometimes, and then good ones, which might be entire weeks, or even months. Unfortunately neither my wife nor I were 'wanted' in our relationship by the respective parents, we've lived a secluded life also because of that, but we are very difficult in terms of social relationships. We're extremely clean and not colluded, when it comes to what most people consider normal hypocritical-survival behavior. We just do not have the strength to sustain it and we keep canceling and prefering to stay alone. But this obviously paid a toll, along with us questioning if we just found ourselves out of pity, if we love each other, if we should move somewhere else, the usual stuff. The sense of "have I wasted all my life here" is not something we're alone in, I know.

Anyway, I finished working on my Gladiator today and I will post an update in the thread. I am very proud of my most complex 'scale crawler' achievement so far! Yes, sway bar included!

 

[JatoTheRipper]

Thank you for reaching out to me, this way. I am sorry to hear you had to go through such a thing: I can only imagine (and probably I cannot even actually fathom) what it means something like that. I have had therapy when I was about 23 and then again at 25, mostly to help me get out of some toxic relationship with an instructor I had started working as assistant with, and my parents, who had started opposing the relationship with my girlfriend at the time (now wife for 12 years). I have always believed in it and still do. As usual, it's done by humans and if said humans are not in their best intentions, everything becomes bad from good. But therapy in itself does work, I have no doubts. And there are lot of professionals out there who love their job and do it for the passion first, then for the pecuniary aspect (of course, why not, it's a job, it has to be remunerated).

The last days have been good, we go through bad days occasionally, and they are very bad days sometimes, and then good ones, which might be entire weeks, or even months. Unfortunately neither my wife nor I were 'wanted' in our relationship by the respective parents, we've lived a secluded life also because of that, but we are very difficult in terms of social relationships. We're extremely clean and not colluded, when it comes to what most people consider normal hypocritical-survival behavior. We just do not have the strength to sustain it and we keep canceling and prefering to stay alone. But this obviously paid a toll, along with us questioning if we just found ourselves out of pity, if we love each other, if we should move somewhere else, the usual stuff. The sense of "have I wasted all my life here" is not something we're alone in, I know.

Anyway, I finished working on my Gladiator today and I will post an update in the thread. I am very proud of my most complex 'scale crawler' achievement so far! Yes, sway bar included!

You're welcome!

No, you can't fathom it. Nobody can. Not unless you've gone through it. Even then I still don't understand it. More than three years later and it still doesn't feel like it is real and never will. I've moved forward and am happy again, but I'll never move past it. I'm happy again, but I will never forget about Sherri and life will never be the same without her. It's like I'm living a new life. Kind of surreal.

Anyway, that sucks you didn't get blessing for your relationship with your wife. Thankfully I've always had both my significant other and family like each other. I hope this can be fixed for you even if it is after all these years.

 

[Reezo]

You're welcome!

No, you can't fathom it. Nobody can. Not unless you've gone through it. Even then I still don't understand it. More than three years later and it still doesn't feel like it is real and never will. I've moved forward and am happy again, but I'll never move past it. I'm happy again, but I will never forget about Sherri and life will never be the same without her. It's like I'm living a new life. Kind of surreal.

Anyway, that sucks you didn't get blessing for your relationship with your wife. Thankfully I've always had both my significant other and family like each other. I hope this can be fixed for you even if it is after all these years.

"It's like I'm living a new life. Kind of surreal." I had events in my life that put me in front of that 'door into the nothing' and then when you are past it, you almost see it so far above you and distant, and that's the 'living another life' thing. I somehow get what you mean. It takes a hero to go through what you are going through and it's inspiring that you are pushing through with such good humanity.

Thanks again for the good vibes, I am doing my best to see if I can get out of this situation. There is a lot of good in what we have now, but this is no excuse to try and get back to see someone and talk to someone. My years when I used to do real teaching, real work with people, seem so distant. For about 4-5 years I really talked only to my wife, saved for what you can tell to a cashier or someone at the post office. I know it's not 'the people's fault', I have my faults. But still, the rabbit hole is going quite far now.

 

[high plains drifter]

Thank you for reaching out to me, this way. I am sorry to hear you had to go through such a thing: I can only imagine (and probably I cannot even actually fathom) what it means something like that. I have had therapy when I was about 23 and then again at 25, mostly to help me get out of some toxic relationship with an instructor I had started working as assistant with, and my parents, who had started opposing the relationship with my girlfriend at the time (now wife for 12 years). I have always believed in it and still do. As usual, it's done by humans and if said humans are not in their best intentions, everything becomes bad from good. But therapy in itself does work, I have no doubts. And there are lot of professionals out there who love their job and do it for the passion first, then for the pecuniary aspect (of course, why not, it's a job, it has to be remunerated).

The last days have been good, we go through bad days occasionally, and they are very bad days sometimes, and then good ones, which might be entire weeks, or even months. Unfortunately neither my wife nor I were 'wanted' in our relationship by the respective parents, we've lived a secluded life also because of that, but we are very difficult in terms of social relationships. We're extremely clean and not colluded, when it comes to what most people consider normal hypocritical-survival behavior. We just do not have the strength to sustain it and we keep canceling and prefering to stay alone. But this obviously paid a toll, along with us questioning if we just found ourselves out of pity, if we love each other, if we should move somewhere else, the usual stuff. The sense of "have I wasted all my life here" is not something we're alone in, I know.

Anyway, I finished working on my Gladiator today and I will post an update in the thread. I am very proud of my most complex 'scale crawler' achievement so far! Yes, sway bar included!

Jato speaks candidly... from the heart and from experience first hand. I have a ton of respect and humility towards him because he has proven to be a man of integrity, honesty, and fortitude. Opening up about personal struggles can make us feel embarrassed and vulnerable but sharing with people that can relate to or at the very least are supportive, helps a great deal to keep us grounded. In and of itself, that willingness to share can be quite therapeutic as you're obviously very aware.

Only thing that I can stress, although probably goes without saying... is 'communication'. That doesn't mean being the lone person that is always sharing or expressing feelings. It includes genuinely listening and remembering what was said... because you care about that person and the relationship. Dialogue that breaks down and is no longer productive due to arguing incessantly, failing to accept differences of opinion, dismissing opposing feelings, or reacting with defensive posturing will take it's toll. Never talk over one another, never elevate negativity with insults or passive-aggressive jabs/ comments. An absence of healthy dialogue can very quickly ( and sooner or later) breed resentment. When that happens, the integrity and of the relationships foundation erodes and becomes compromised. Never try to "win" a discussion... especially upon aspects of the "I was right and you were wrong" mindset. It's okay to agree to disagree at times but do so with respectful consideration of the other persons views and feelings. For better or for worse, you and your spouse are a team and if the goal of resolve and genuine appreciation of one another are important, then that should ultimately be the priority of any dialogue.. heated or not.

I'm sure that you know all of this but it does sometimes help to make sure that we're not losing sight of these fundamentals. I wish you and your wife much success and resolution to whatever challenges you both face in your relationship. Things can be so difficult sometimes but in working towards the same end game of prosperity, solace, and positive interaction... positive and healthy results are achievable.

Please take care, brother.

 

[Reezo]

Jato speaks candidly... from the heart and from experience first hand. I have a ton of respect and humility towards him because he has proven to be a man of integrity, honesty, and fortitude. Opening up about personal struggles can make us feel embarrassed and vulnerable but sharing with people that can relate to or at the very least are supportive, helps a great deal to keep us grounded. In and of itself, that willingness to share can be quite therapeutic as you're obviously very aware.

Only thing that I can stress, although probably goes without saying... is 'communication'. That doesn't mean being the lone person that is always sharing or expressing feelings. It includes genuinely listening and remembering what was said... because you care about that person and the relationship. Dialogue that breaks down and is no longer productive due to arguing incessantly, failing to accept differences of opinion, dismissing opposing feelings, or reacting with defensive posturing will take it's toll. Never talk over one another, never elevate negativity with insults or passive-aggressive jabs/ comments. An absence of healthy dialogue can very quickly ( and sooner or later) breed resentment. When that happens, the integrity and of the relationships foundation erodes and becomes compromised. Never try to "win" a discussion... especially upon aspects of the "I was right and you were wrong" mindset. It's okay to agree to disagree at times but do so with respectful consideration of the other persons views and feelings. For better or for worse, you and your spouse are a team and if the goal of resolve and genuine appreciation of one another are important, then that should ultimately be the priority of any dialogue.. heated or not.

I'm sure that you know all of this but it does sometimes help to make sure that we're not losing sight of these fundamentals. I wish you and your wife much success and resolution to whatever challenges you both face in your relationship. Things can be so difficult sometimes but in working towards the same end game of prosperity, solace, and positive interaction... positive and healthy results are achievable.

Please take care, brother.

Thank you HPD, much appreciated, thanks for taking the time for this. I can confirm (and I'd say reassure you) that I am 100% with what you said and have always strived for this. Granted, there are times in which it's easy to slip, but both my wife have survived this far, because of communication, that's for sure. We talk a lot, productively, even if going sometimes over things we've talked about for years. My wife has unfortunately the tendency, more than me, to just go all out and attack, sometimes getting to real detailed and precise points that make it easy to go out of control. I try and keep my cool and I have so far almost always managed, granted there are those times in which you don't, but so far I have. I have never blamed her for such aggressive attacks, actually I think it's something she suffers from - to which degree I don't know. Most of the time it's easy to talk with her but she can twist at the turn of a second and go for blood, and nothing is good any longer, it's all bad, all pessimistic, all a precise, meticulous list of things that have gone wrong and faults by other people around us or things our parents did. Sadly, most of the time, you can count to 10 and be sure that it will turn out to be my fault, even if I did not start the issue at hand, she'll point out that I did or did not do something that triggered/provoked/allowed/worsened the issue. Keeping cool is very hard, in those situations, but I keep thinking she is doing it because she is not well, something in her personality broke maybe even before we met. I don't treat it as an illness, but I don't blame her. I am not sure if this is the way to go, and I told her many times (often causing an incendiary reaction) but I react to the personal attacks thinking that it's just thirst for blood that is blindly caused by something that is wrong with her. I have not talked to a professional about it, nor have I sent her in any way to one. Definitely this would be something a therapist (single/couple) would find useful to know.

I have my faults, I am not the easier person to be around, but I have never attacked that directly and blindly. She says that my attack is more my way of living and the way I 'forced her' around all my life choices, that she just blindly followed (unfortunately she did just follow without having specific projects of her own, aspirations, work, friends etc.).

I know for sure we both supported each other coming from difficult, similar situations, and we found a way to support each other and somehow function (where others would have just left us, feeling we'd be ballast to their 'normal' lives) but in supporting each other we've also reinforced some bad sides and for that reason pulled each other under.

As usual, these things are not easy, there are tons of facets, but at least communicating it all, letting it out respectfully, is the only way. And never ever react to fire with fire, I keep telling myself this when I breathe and wait before I speak..

 

[JatoTheRipper]

"It's like I'm living a new life. Kind of surreal." I had events in my life that put me in front of that 'door into the nothing' and then when you are past it, you almost see it so far above you and distant, and that's the 'living another life' thing. I somehow get what you mean. It takes a hero to go through what you are going through and it's inspiring that you are pushing through with such good humanity.

Thanks again for the good vibes, I am doing my best to see if I can get out of this situation. There is a lot of good in what we have now, but this is no excuse to try and get back to see someone and talk to someone. My years when I used to do real teaching, real work with people, seem so distant. For about 4-5 years I really talked only to my wife, saved for what you can tell to a cashier or someone at the post office. I know it's not 'the people's fault', I have my faults. But still, the rabbit hole is going quite far now.

I'm no hero. Quite the opposite. I have admittedly been through a lot and I just share my experiences to hopefully help others. It's also a great coping mechanism. I was a selfish prick that lived life for myself with little regard for others. Losing Sherri caused me to change my ways because I regret that I didn't treat her as well as she treated me. She always put me first. I always put me first. It's too late to change for Sherri, but I live in regret of the past and have tried to be different going forward. The fact that I even considered dating women with children and now I am in a relationship with a woman that has a son from a previous marriage is definitely a sign of that. I knew that dating a woman with kids would mean I wasn't always first. That is still tough for me at times...

Jato speaks candidly... from the heart and from experience first hand. I have a ton of respect and humility towards him because he has proven to be a man of integrity, honesty, and fortitude. Opening up about personal struggles can make us feel embarrassed and vulnerable but sharing with people that can relate to or at the very least are supportive, helps a great deal to keep us grounded. In and of itself, that willingness to share can be quite therapeutic as you're obviously very aware.

Only thing that I can stress, although probably goes without saying... is 'communication'. That doesn't mean being the lone person that is always sharing or expressing feelings. It includes genuinely listening and remembering what was said... because you care about that person and the relationship. Dialogue that breaks down and is no longer productive due to arguing incessantly, failing to accept differences of opinion, dismissing opposing feelings, or reacting with defensive posturing will take it's toll. Never talk over one another, never elevate negativity with insults or passive-aggressive jabs/ comments. An absence of healthy dialogue can very quickly ( and sooner or later) breed resentment. When that happens, the integrity and of the relationships foundation erodes and becomes compromised. Never try to "win" a discussion... especially upon aspects of the "I was right and you were wrong" mindset. It's okay to agree to disagree at times but do so with respectful consideration of the other persons views and feelings. For better or for worse, you and your spouse are a team and if the goal of resolve and genuine appreciation of one another are important, then that should ultimately be the priority of any dialogue.. heated or not.

I'm sure that you know all of this but it does sometimes help to make sure that we're not losing sight of these fundamentals. I wish you and your wife much success and resolution to whatever challenges you both face in your relationship. Things can be so difficult sometimes but in working towards the same end game of prosperity, solace, and positive interaction... positive and healthy results are achievable.

Please take care, brother.

Wow! You're way too kind. Thank you, sir! I do speak from the heart. It's all I really know how to do. I don't bullshit. I am an emotional being, usually skewed towards the angry side, but losing the woman I thought I was going to marry definitely slapped me in the face and made me realize I need to start treating people better and be happier myself! Now I am dating a woman who was nicknamed Mary ******* Sunshine in college because she's the definition of happy and she won't deal with a miserable dickhead. I also got to the point where I no longer held back talking about feelings. Even if it made me look like a wuss or weak, I simply didn't care because I needed to get things out there to get them off my chest. Again, I'm at the point where I hope I can help others.

 

[Reezo]

I'm no hero. Quite the opposite. I have admittedly been through a lot and I just share my experiences to hopefully help others. It's also a great coping mechanism. I was a selfish prick that lived life for myself with little regard for others. Losing Sherri caused me to change my ways because I regret that I didn't treat her as well as she treated me. She always put me first. I always put me first. It's too late to change for Sherri, but I live in regret of the past and have tried to be different going forward. The fact that I even considered dating women with children and now I am in a relationship with a woman that has a son from a previous marriage is definitely a sign of that. I knew that dating a woman with kids would mean I wasn't always first. That is still tough for me at times...

What can I say? I have weird heroes Thanks for trying to be the best human being you can, I promise I won't let you and y'all down and strive to do the same, every day.

 

[high plains drifter]

I'm no hero. Quite the opposite. I have admittedly been through a lot and I just share my experiences to hopefully help others. It's also a great coping mechanism. I was a selfish prick that lived life for myself with little regard for others. Losing Sherri caused me to change my ways because I regret that I didn't treat her as well as she treated me. She always put me first. I always put me first. It's too late to change for Sherri, but I live in regret of the past and have tried to be different going forward. The fact that I even considered dating women with children and now I am in a relationship with a woman that has a son from a previous marriage is definitely a sign of that. I knew that dating a woman with kids would mean I wasn't always first. That is still tough for me at times...


Wow! You're way too kind. Thank you, sir! I do speak from the heart. It's all I really know how to do. I don't bullshit. I am an emotional being, usually skewed towards the angry side, but losing the woman I thought I was going to marry definitely slapped me in the face and made me realize I need to start treating people better and be happier myself! Now I am dating a woman who was nicknamed Mary ******* Sunshine in college because she's the definition of happy and she won't deal with a miserable dickhead. I also got to the point where I no longer held back talking about feelings. Even if it made me look like a wuss or weak, I simply didn't care because I needed to get things out there to get them off my chest. Again, I'm at the point where I hope I can help others.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I get the "sharing/ emotions = weakness" thing because that was the way that my dad raised me and that's the kind of guy that he and I both were for many years. But I also saw that shift as he got older, divorced my mom, remarried, acquired grand-kids, and ultimately faced some very serious and life-changing health issues. He was a pillar of strength and maintained many of his convictions throughout life but I had a profound respect for his kindness, humility, and willingness to change some of his ways and perspectives throughout his challenges.

In my own life... failed relationships, loss of friends/ family, physical deterioration, financial struggles, etc provided me a much more balanced perspective and accepting frame of mind about things including and most importantly how I deal with challenges, people, etc as I got older. I miss he and my mom something fierce these days... sigh.

BTW, Jato- It's not just what you endured on an emotional level that made me truly appreciate who you are but some of the physical shit that you've been through as well. Your determination to rise above is very admirable.

 

[high plains drifter]

Thank you HPD, much appreciated, thanks for taking the time for this. I can confirm (and I'd say reassure you) that I am 100% with what you said and have always strived for this. Granted, there are times in which it's easy to slip, but both my wife have survived this far, because of communication, that's for sure. We talk a lot, productively, even if going sometimes over things we've talked about for years. My wife has unfortunately the tendency, more than me, to just go all out and attack, sometimes getting to real detailed and precise points that make it easy to go out of control. I try and keep my cool and I have so far almost always managed, granted there are those times in which you don't, but so far I have. I have never blamed her for such aggressive attacks, actually I think it's something she suffers from - to which degree I don't know. Most of the time it's easy to talk with her but she can twist at the turn of a second and go for blood, and nothing is good any longer, it's all bad, all pessimistic, all a precise, meticulous list of things that have gone wrong and faults by other people around us or things our parents did. Sadly, most of the time, you can count to 10 and be sure that it will turn out to be my fault, even if I did not start the issue at hand, she'll point out that I did or did not do something that triggered/provoked/allowed/worsened the issue. Keeping cool is very hard, in those situations, but I keep thinking she is doing it because she is not well, something in her personality broke maybe even before we met. I don't treat it as an illness, but I don't blame her. I am not sure if this is the way to go, and I told her many times (often causing an incendiary reaction) but I react to the personal attacks thinking that it's just thirst for blood that is blindly caused by something that is wrong with her. I have not talked to a professional about it, nor have I sent her in any way to one. Definitely this would be something a therapist (single/couple) would find useful to know.

I have my faults, I am not the easier person to be around, but I have never attacked that directly and blindly. She says that my attack is more my way of living and the way I 'forced her' around all my life choices, that she just blindly followed (unfortunately she did just follow without having specific projects of her own, aspirations, work, friends etc.).

I know for sure we both supported each other coming from difficult, similar situations, and we found a way to support each other and somehow function (where others would have just left us, feeling we'd be ballast to their 'normal' lives) but in supporting each other we've also reinforced some bad sides and for that reason pulled each other under.

As usual, these things are not easy, there are tons of facets, but at least communicating it all, letting it out respectfully, is the only way. And never ever react to fire with fire, I keep telling myself this when I breathe and wait before I speak..

Having that awareness like you seem to and trying to not necessarily understand but accept that our spouses are sometimes coming from a very different place ( mindset, history, etc.. even potentially an psycological imbalance of sorts) can be challenging for sure. One thing that I think has helped in the struggles that my wife and I have faced when butting heads, is that we have never and probably will never speak maliciously/ vindictively. That helps a ton and I think that it's allowed us to keep our disagreements civilized. Doesn't mean that voices don't get raised in the heat of the moment but at least for us that's rare. I think that we've both developed a genuine appreciation for how to exchange our differing feelings, opinions, priorities, etc... at least as things work for us... Everyone's different.

I certainly encourage you to keep communicating with your spouse and listening to not only what she says but to try to empathize with her and understand that she may indeed have some deep-rooted issues that are just not going to be resolved without some sort of intervention. I don't need to go on about this though... Sounds like you have a very solid handle on things. But if you think or in talking with her have determined that you are both seeking to remain together, considering some type of therapy, counseling, etc. It very likely may put her on the path to being a happier and more mentally/ emotionally healthy person.

Again... Best of luck to you both.

 

[Reezo]

Having that awareness like you seem to and trying to not necessarily understand but accept that our spouses are sometimes coming from a very different place ( mindset, history, etc.. even potentially an psycological imbalance of sorts) can be challenging for sure. One thing that I think has helped in the struggles that my wife and I have faced when butting heads, is that we have never and probably will never speak maliciously/ vindictively. That helps a ton and I think that it's allowed us to keep our disagreements civilized. Doesn't mean that voices don't get raised in the heat of the moment but at least for us that's rare. I think that we've both developed a genuine appreciation for how to exchange our differing feelings, opinions, priorities, etc... at least as things work for us... Everyone's different.

I certainly encourage you to keep communicating with your spouse and listening to not only what she says but to try to empathize with her and understand that she may indeed have some deep-rooted issues that are just not going to be resolved without some sort of intervention. I don't need to go on about this though... Sounds like you have a very solid handle on things. But if you think or in talking with her have determined that you are both seeking to remain together, considering some type of therapy, counseling, etc. It very likely may put her on the path to being a happier and more mentally/ emotionally healthy person.

Again... Best of luck to you both.

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. I totally agree with what you (very well) wrote, once again. I also think that my wife has never done it maliciously, to come out with a lot of energy pointing out things that are wrong in her views, and doing so very effectively and (on the receiving end) with a lot of impact. It's her way to try and get heard, get across from a life to another one, as she's always been put as last/least priority in her family. She got used to fight to get heard and avoid just hearing "you're born 7-months, you're lucky to be alive, and because of you we had to do so much and give up so much more". This plays a toll on you as a kid and then as a woman. I totally get that. I am saying this just to expand on the reasons I think I get why she's never malicious, but rather trying to scream in the void to be heard. It's more a desperate, indirect call for help, than anything else. Because I have to say, I get very focused on my work and life and she's terrified when it seems that I, the only person she's talking with (at a deeper level) at the moment, is not giving her attention on issues she has.

Actually today she came to me in the studio with a notebook in which she had written all the text we used to write each other, when we were younger and had just met, in 2002/2003. She had me read this text from Aug 9th, 2003, in which I had written that no matter what, no matter the fear of the world, the bad things we were facing as 20yo people etc. no matter the travels we were about to undertake (we were about to move to the US to study), I would have always loved her and protected her and never abandoned her.

She said "I am glad I wrote them all down, your messages, because if I go crazy and forget or just lose it, I can read them, remember and rest assured."

I said: "Thank for your telling me that, for having written all of those texts, I now see how it's great that we haven't lost them, and thanks for having brought them to me to read, again."

So today, it was a good day. Thank you (all) for being close to me and letting me share this.

 

[JatoTheRipper]

What can I say? I have weird heroes Thanks for trying to be the best human being you can, I promise I won't let you and y'all down and strive to do the same, every day.

Well thank you! I'm honored.

I guess what I hope to "teach" people most about my situation is that you should try to not do things that may cause you to live in regret. In your case, at the moment, if you want your relationship to last then you have to make it your priority and fight harder for it than you have ever fought for anything!

Today seemed liked a good day for you. Things are headed in the right direction. Keep it going and hopefully you both can meet on a way to fix things.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I get the "sharing/ emotions = weakness" thing because that was the way that my dad raised me and that's the kind of guy that he and I both were for many years. But I also saw that shift as he got older, divorced my mom, remarried, acquired grand-kids, and ultimately faced some very serious and life-changing health issues. He was a pillar of strength and maintained many of his convictions throughout life but I had a profound respect for his kindness, humility, and willingness to change some of his ways and perspectives throughout his challenges.

In my own life... failed relationships, loss of friends/ family, physical deterioration, financial struggles, etc provided me a much more balanced perspective and accepting frame of mind about things including and most importantly how I deal with challenges, people, etc as I got older. I miss he and my mom something fierce these days... sigh.

BTW, Jato- It's not just what you endured on an emotional level that made me truly appreciate who you are but some of the physical shit that you've been through as well. Your determination to rise above is very admirable.

I was raised the same way! "Boys don't cry." When Sherri died, that changed. I cried like a baby in front of everybody and often and I didn't give a single shit about how I looked. Pain had never been so real or so hurtful before.

Sorry your parents are gone!

Thank you! Again, I'm honored! I only know my own life and have only lived this life. It's all I know - both good and bad. I think in a certain way I am lucky because I realize, more than the average person, that life is short and I better jam a lot of fun in my short time on this planet. And I've tried to do that because I'm living on borrowed time. I don't dread getting older in the same way that most people seem to. I cherish getting older and now call each birthday a new high score. I grew up telling my mom that I wouldn't make it to 40 because of the way I felt. I'm now a 47-year-old old man.

I don't live with the "woah is me" attitude. I can't stand that attitude. Most of the people that think it don't realize how good they have it. I messaged a junior high school friend on Facebook sometime after Sherri passed away about a random and meaningless subject. He said something like, "I don't envy you at all." I asked why he said that. He responded by saying I have been through so much. Again, it's all I know so I don't realize I've "been through a lot" until people tell me. I've had a lot of good times in between the bullshit. Without knowing it or trying, I won over my girlfriend's mom. She is a tough one. My girlfriend calls her a sour patch kid. She will compliment you and do nice things for you, but every once in a while, she'll push you down the theoretical stairs by putting in a hurtful dig out of the blue. Anyway, my girlfriend's mom told me that she admires me and my resilience of going through all I've gone through and still being able to smile and be happy. Again, it's all I know. I certainly didn't expect it coming from her though! But her and I are on great terms. I know she loves me and I love her.

One day my dad told me that he never got lucky in life meaning striking it rich financially like some of his friends did. I told him that you can look at things from two different sides. You could say that I am unlucky because I was born with a heart defect and needed a heart transplant. Or I can look at it and say I'm lucky because I was one out of a handful of people that were in the hospital waiting for a heart and/or lung transplant that survived.

So another thing I hope to rub off on people is that you shouldn't think your life is hard. Woe is me is for wusses. It can always be worse. And we are lucky to still be walking this planet when there are plenty of healthy people that died at much younger ages.

Live life to the fullest, try to avoid doing things you will regret, appreciate what you have because it may be gone tomorrow, and it can always get worse.

Today I worked from home because I had stomach issues. Afterwards, I worked on my Tamiya DT-03 Neo Fighter build and also took my Fordyce RTR outside for the first time ever. It was a good day.

 

[high plains drifter]

Well, Jato... My hat's off to you... seems we've got very similar perspectives on most things. Unfortunately in my case, being stupid cost me some of my health and a good deal of my younger days. But hell, married and bought a home in my 50's... never could've imagined lol.

I've always told my wife on her darkest days that it's one step at a time. You can't overload on the "what if's?" in situations where your hands are tied. Tomorrow we'll walk down another path of unknowns and try to do what we can to strategize and navigate as best we can. And also to count her blessings which includes herself... her work-ethics, convictions, emotional stamina, etc. She's a strong one at least till she gets home and lets some of that mess out... seeking validation and licking her wounds but she starts every damned day with a genuine smile and that blows me away.

Thank you, Reezo... much appreciated.

My wife similarly had a rather tumultuous childhood... abandoned by mother, father in and out of jail, was dismissed and ignored by much of her family, etc. And she's carried much of that weight throughout her life... made only more difficult for her when her mother died a few years ago... many unresolved issues, guilt, extensive grief/ difficulty achieving solace, etc.

She also keeps a journal and writes in it almost every day and keeps it on our coffee table. She's been doing that for maybe decades. I've never looked at any of that nor her phone or any other of her personal belongings because I'm just not that type of person. It makes her feel very secure and she very much needs and deserves to have her own personal and private outlets with no fear of those things being scrutinized or compromised.

Anyway.... you obviously possess a great deal of compassion for your wife as well as perseverance, self-reflection, and kindness. I hope that you continue to have more good days than bad and that the bond you've developed with your spouse continues to strengthen and progress in healthy ways.

 

[Reezo]

Well thank you! I'm honored.

I guess what I hope to "teach" people most about my situation is that you should try to not do things that may cause you to live in regret. In your case, at the moment, if you want your relationship to last then you have to make it your priority and fight harder for it than you have ever fought for anything!

Today seemed liked a good day for you. Things are headed in the right direction. Keep it going and hopefully you both can meet on a way to fix things.

You are so darn right on the priorities. Everything else will mostly just follow. I'll raise a beverage as if we were all camping next to a nice campfire and drink to that. I couldn't agree more.

Thank you, Reezo... much appreciated.

My wife similarly had a rather tumultuous childhood... abandoned by mother, father in and out of jail, was dismissed and ignored by much of her family, etc. And she's carried much of that weight throughout her life... made only more difficult for her when her mother died a few years ago... many unresolved issues, guilt, extensive grief/ difficulty achieving solace, etc.

She also keeps a journal and writes in it almost every day and keeps it on our coffee table. She's been doing that for maybe decades. I've never looked at any of that nor her phone or any other of her personal belongings because I'm just not that type of person. It makes her feel very secure and she very much needs and deserves to have her own personal and private outlets with no fear of those things being scrutinized or compromised.

Anyway.... you obviously possess a great deal of compassion for your wife as well as perseverance, self-reflection, and kindness. I hope that you continue to have more good days than bad and that the bond you've developed with your spouse continues to strengthen and progress in healthy ways.

You are welcome. It seems our wives share a bit of that difficult and tumultuous childhood and early-adult years, for sure, my wife's father early passing was also a hard one, as she had a better vibe with him than she has with her mother. Her mother and sister did grief in a completely different manner (no tears, poker faces, and extensive "Las Vegas lifestyle from now on" approach to things) up to completely eradicating the memory of her father and doing things that are the complete opposite of what she was taught, from moral to political grounds, as well. She completely lost the dialogue with her mother and had to take some distance because of her mom being toxic and envying what my wife was doing in her life and job. It's been hard, this further secluded her from family visits, relatives etc. - it definitely cleaned the air but it caused some isolation. Having no kids and being in our 40s is now putting our lives on completely different rails than the typical family, which means we have no relationships based on "our kids had us have them" (school-related, etc.), which again: contributes to isolation.

I am mostly worried about our teamwork, and that's what I am focusing on. I cannot, in times like these, go on a rampage to find 'some kind of friends' to hang out with, just to raise the quantity from "zero" to something, just so that "oh look, we have friends now, and meet-ups". I will keep myself open to casual and spontaneous things, but my priority is to cherish the love, teamwork and support my wife and I have to give each other. And it's done through all the features you mentioned, already.

And yes, as Jato wrote, this is a good life, still. A wonderful one, many people haven't had a chance to do anything I have done. So I am still humbled and respectful, while trying to improve on it.

 

[bgredjeep]

In non inspirational or otherwise useful news, I made a quick run the Florida today to pick up some new (to me) crawler tires. Going from 40" treps to 43 swampers.

 

[Reezo]

In non inspirational or otherwise useful news, I made a quick run the Florida today to pick up some new (to me) crawler tires. Going from 40" treps to 43 swampers.

Say what you want but to me 40" Treps and 43" Swamps are quite inspirational.

 

[Gula]

Picked this up for the tracked robot platform, has 3 additional "tilt" mechanisms/ hookups for a linear actuators, also all functional.
Already removed the bits and pieces that aren't needed/give me goosebumps. It's quick, it's a Permobile something or another 2.0 that does somewhere around 6.5mph if my research didnt fail. It runs on 2x12v 43Ah batteries and they are still holding a charge.

 

[JatoTheRipper]

Well, Jato... My hat's off to you... seems we've got very similar perspectives on most things. Unfortunately in my case, being stupid cost me some of my health and a good deal of my younger days. But hell, married and bought a home in my 50's... never could've imagined lol.

Thanks again! We can't change the past, but we can learn from our mistakes. Or we can repeat those missteps and be dumb and stupid. I'm trying to learn from the past and be a better version of myself. Good thing I found a woman that won't accept less than my best. She wouldn't put up with a miserable and selfish a-hole. A bad woman will ruin you. A great woman will make you better. I truly believe that.


On Sunday I went out for my first trail run in about 4-years! I got a message from @OSRC that he was going out trailing and I was free to join. The only trail truck I had taken to my girlfriend's house where I was dog-sitting is my mildly modified Vanquish Fordyce RTR. So that's what I spent half the day with. The truck really surprised me. Pretty darn capable right out of the box and no failures. Great day! The tiny truck hike kicked my butt. I was asleep before 10:00 last night.

 

[high plains drifter]

Really glad you got a chance to get out yesterday, @Jato and @OSRC. Looks like a great place to trail.. secluded and not in direct sun. Probably different in PA but here in TX, summer months in the direct sun will take me down quick. Can't wait for fall!

Indeed, Jato... The companionship of a respectable strong woman is paramount to us being our best selves. I've been with many women but was never willing to marry any of em... everything from bat-shit crazy to just not feeling it. But when I married my wife in 2018 I told myself that it would be my one shot and that there would be no fu@#!ng it up. She had one request ( due to her traumatic upbringing)... no alcohol. For me it wasn't hard although I do miss an ice-cold brew from time to time, but I've never caved on that request. It was important to her so I made it just as important to me to not let her down. And yeah... having a good woman by your side motivates you to keep being a good partner... so I guess she's inspirational in that regard.

Anyway... not what I did today but what my wife did yesterday... She walked a total of 20,034 steps! She averages about 13,000 daily but recently has been even busier than usual. She works 10+ hour days so I guess her average yesterday was about 2,000 steps per hour. That's on top of running a forklift and all kinds of other duties. She's a tiny thing too but when it comes to work, she's a monster lol. And yeah... I give her some damn fine root/ leg massaging when she gets home.

 

[Reezo]

Glad to read you folks had some good time, things have been good here, as well, we took a day off to visit a lake nearby and just chill, go on a boat, walk in the woods etc.

Nice lunch, nice dinner, a quick drive back home and then today I mowed my front garden, which is always relaxing (sound insulation headphones on, for max chill).

I had to buy some more camera equipment for work and I am thinking out loud, internally, to myself, that I should start a YT channel on RC crawlers just to raise money for some good cause. I am more worried to fall into a creek while filming and driving, than to have 1 view per month because of my awful content. Anyway!