LR3
Rock Crawler
Now let me start by saying that it was my own lack of attention that caused this incident. It was not intentional.
My brother has ADHD, quite badly actually, so the doctor put him on Adderall. I am sure most everybody here is familiar with Adderall, as it is a fairly well known medication for people struggling with ADHD. I have recently had a repertory infection, and this morning I woke up, looked at my clock, and realized that I was running late for an appointment that I had. I got a shower, grabbed a waffle, and grabbed the last two pills from my medicine and ran out the door, jumped in the Jeep, and hit the road fast and hard. Now my appointment was in the downtown Atlanta area, and anybody who has ever driven anywhere near Atlanta knows that traffic is terrible.
I am about ten minutes down the road, and I feel focused, more focused than normal. I am noticing anything and everything, it was weird. I was in a whole new world, a world where you feel fuzzy and notice every single creak and moan and groan that your unibodied Grand Cherokee makes over every single bump, and around every single corner. It was at this time that my phone rings. It was my mom. I pick up, and she ask “Ryan, which bottle did you grab this morning?” Thinking that I had in fact grabbed the right medication I answered that I had grabbed mine, to which she replied “your brothers Adderall bottle is open, and yours is not and still has two pills left in it.”
That explains a good bit now doesn’t it? Turns out that I wasn’t just being observant because I had slept well, I was tripping on fawking Adderall!
I drive for another 30 minutes or so and I hit the downtown traffic, at this point I had already called and told my friend that I was going to be late for our meeting, so I was in no particular hurry. The road that I was on was four lanes, with me being in the far left lane, and at a standstill stop. This is where I learn one of a few of Adderalls side effects. As I am sitting there, still quite alert, I break out into a sweat. Now this is not just a normal, gone for a jog type of sweat. This is like a geyser, and it seemed to focus only around my nipple region. I cranked the AC up as high as it would go, but even sitting like that for a good 10 minutes, I was drenched. I was wearing white t-shirt, and it looked like I had just jumped into a lake.
Now sweat I can deal with, but what came next I was not at all ready for, at all.
You know that feeling when you have to drop a $h!t? Well I got that, but it was such a sudden and powerful feeling that I actually yelled out “HOLY $H!T” when the feeling came. I tried to hold it in, and I was successful for about five minutes until I could not take it any longer. I had to get somewhere with a toilet, but there was one problem in my way, traffic. The traffic is still standing still and I am in the far left lane. Now there is hope, because 100 feet ahead of where I am stopped there is an exit, and I knew there had to be a toilet on that exit somewhere, so I locked on to my target (literally almost, thanks Adderall!) and tried to work my way over there. To the right of me there is a black Titan, and the guy has his windows down. I did not feel like having to deal with people while at the same time dealing with holding back the chocolate rocket that is on the verge of exploding outward in a biblical manner, so I roll my window down and let this bastard have it. “Back you $h!t up as far as it will go NOW! I have got to take a crap!”. With his jaw on his shoes, he obliged, and much to my satisfaction, I saw that I had a strait shot right to the exit, so using all 195 horsepower of my strait 6’s power, I hauled off the highway and just turned a random direction. I came around the corner and there is a Target right there.
“Thank God!” I think as I whip into the parking lot and find the closest spot to the front. This is where things go from bad to worse. I am running as fast as I can to the bathroom in that store, when it happens. With the force and strength that only a God can muster, my pants are filled. I realize that at this point I have nothing to lose, so I continue to run to the bathroom while everybody is looking at me like I am the devil himself. I get into the stall and rip my pants off to find a brown wall paper paste type of crap, but here is the kicker. THERE WAS CORN IN IT! What the fawk! I have not eaten corn in over a month. What the hell is this medication growing inside of me! I continue to dump my dump into their toilet, clean up the best that I can, and stuff toilet paper all in my pants.
Jason, I now know how you feel after eating those chips.
I realized that there was no way that I was going to be able to survive the ride back home, and I realized that I was going to have to buy new pants at this Target. I am still drenched with sweat, and my pants looks like they were dipped in chocolate and smell like a horses ass, but I know that I have to tough it out, so I make my way into the retail area. I quickly grab a pair of underwear and some basketball shorts and go to the register. Leave it to Target to only have three of their 20 million registers open, and there is a line at every single one, so I just pick on, and wait my turn.
In front of me there is a husband, wife, and young kid. The young kid looks to the mother and says “mommy, what is that smell?”. The mother takes a sniff of the air, turns to her husband and says “I think there is a gas leak in this store, it smells like methane in here!”
I say nothing.
I finally get to where I can check out , and I throw down my items, she scans them, and I throw her a twenty, tell her to keep the change, and I run to the bathroom while hearing gasps and laughter from behind me. I get into a stall, get rid of my old pants, clean up again (turns out I had leaked more while running around the store), and put the new pants on. I walk out of the stall and there is an elderly man washing his hands. He looks at the pants in my hands covered in my crap, looks at me drenched in sweat, mouths something, and walks out faster than I would expect from Medusas father. I throw my crap filled old pants way, wash my hands, and leave that store as quickly as I possibly can.
Fawk you Adderall!
My brother has ADHD, quite badly actually, so the doctor put him on Adderall. I am sure most everybody here is familiar with Adderall, as it is a fairly well known medication for people struggling with ADHD. I have recently had a repertory infection, and this morning I woke up, looked at my clock, and realized that I was running late for an appointment that I had. I got a shower, grabbed a waffle, and grabbed the last two pills from my medicine and ran out the door, jumped in the Jeep, and hit the road fast and hard. Now my appointment was in the downtown Atlanta area, and anybody who has ever driven anywhere near Atlanta knows that traffic is terrible.
I am about ten minutes down the road, and I feel focused, more focused than normal. I am noticing anything and everything, it was weird. I was in a whole new world, a world where you feel fuzzy and notice every single creak and moan and groan that your unibodied Grand Cherokee makes over every single bump, and around every single corner. It was at this time that my phone rings. It was my mom. I pick up, and she ask “Ryan, which bottle did you grab this morning?” Thinking that I had in fact grabbed the right medication I answered that I had grabbed mine, to which she replied “your brothers Adderall bottle is open, and yours is not and still has two pills left in it.”
That explains a good bit now doesn’t it? Turns out that I wasn’t just being observant because I had slept well, I was tripping on fawking Adderall!
I drive for another 30 minutes or so and I hit the downtown traffic, at this point I had already called and told my friend that I was going to be late for our meeting, so I was in no particular hurry. The road that I was on was four lanes, with me being in the far left lane, and at a standstill stop. This is where I learn one of a few of Adderalls side effects. As I am sitting there, still quite alert, I break out into a sweat. Now this is not just a normal, gone for a jog type of sweat. This is like a geyser, and it seemed to focus only around my nipple region. I cranked the AC up as high as it would go, but even sitting like that for a good 10 minutes, I was drenched. I was wearing white t-shirt, and it looked like I had just jumped into a lake.
Now sweat I can deal with, but what came next I was not at all ready for, at all.
You know that feeling when you have to drop a $h!t? Well I got that, but it was such a sudden and powerful feeling that I actually yelled out “HOLY $H!T” when the feeling came. I tried to hold it in, and I was successful for about five minutes until I could not take it any longer. I had to get somewhere with a toilet, but there was one problem in my way, traffic. The traffic is still standing still and I am in the far left lane. Now there is hope, because 100 feet ahead of where I am stopped there is an exit, and I knew there had to be a toilet on that exit somewhere, so I locked on to my target (literally almost, thanks Adderall!) and tried to work my way over there. To the right of me there is a black Titan, and the guy has his windows down. I did not feel like having to deal with people while at the same time dealing with holding back the chocolate rocket that is on the verge of exploding outward in a biblical manner, so I roll my window down and let this bastard have it. “Back you $h!t up as far as it will go NOW! I have got to take a crap!”. With his jaw on his shoes, he obliged, and much to my satisfaction, I saw that I had a strait shot right to the exit, so using all 195 horsepower of my strait 6’s power, I hauled off the highway and just turned a random direction. I came around the corner and there is a Target right there.
“Thank God!” I think as I whip into the parking lot and find the closest spot to the front. This is where things go from bad to worse. I am running as fast as I can to the bathroom in that store, when it happens. With the force and strength that only a God can muster, my pants are filled. I realize that at this point I have nothing to lose, so I continue to run to the bathroom while everybody is looking at me like I am the devil himself. I get into the stall and rip my pants off to find a brown wall paper paste type of crap, but here is the kicker. THERE WAS CORN IN IT! What the fawk! I have not eaten corn in over a month. What the hell is this medication growing inside of me! I continue to dump my dump into their toilet, clean up the best that I can, and stuff toilet paper all in my pants.
Jason, I now know how you feel after eating those chips.
I realized that there was no way that I was going to be able to survive the ride back home, and I realized that I was going to have to buy new pants at this Target. I am still drenched with sweat, and my pants looks like they were dipped in chocolate and smell like a horses ass, but I know that I have to tough it out, so I make my way into the retail area. I quickly grab a pair of underwear and some basketball shorts and go to the register. Leave it to Target to only have three of their 20 million registers open, and there is a line at every single one, so I just pick on, and wait my turn.
In front of me there is a husband, wife, and young kid. The young kid looks to the mother and says “mommy, what is that smell?”. The mother takes a sniff of the air, turns to her husband and says “I think there is a gas leak in this store, it smells like methane in here!”
I say nothing.
I finally get to where I can check out , and I throw down my items, she scans them, and I throw her a twenty, tell her to keep the change, and I run to the bathroom while hearing gasps and laughter from behind me. I get into a stall, get rid of my old pants, clean up again (turns out I had leaked more while running around the store), and put the new pants on. I walk out of the stall and there is an elderly man washing his hands. He looks at the pants in my hands covered in my crap, looks at me drenched in sweat, mouths something, and walks out faster than I would expect from Medusas father. I throw my crap filled old pants way, wash my hands, and leave that store as quickly as I possibly can.
Fawk you Adderall!
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