any other adoptees on here that have met their birth parents?

[allanon1965]

I was adopted at birth in 1965. My childhood and life with my adoptive parents was contentious to say the least, didn't get to be a kid, they also adopted another boy when he was 3 months old. We were used as pawns to force our adoptive dad to stay with our adoptive mom. He had cheated on her and she was gonna make him pay..

We also were basically little forced laborers..other kids were out playing, we were doing "chores" that were beyond our abilities at that age..then punished severely when it was done wrong. I was told at a very young age that I was adopted. I was also told an incredible story about my adoption that was unbelievable. I have recently found out that is was in fact, all bullsh*t.

I had been searching for my mother for over 35 years and finally found her thanks in part to Ancestry.com and (groan)...face book. I don't really care for face book but yet it is responsible for allowing me to find my birth family..how ironic..

I wont bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that I have talked to my mom a few times now and I am so elated to finally know that I wasn't a mistake or unwanted. My mom had been looking for me as well but had not had any luck in finding me. The social worker had told her when I was born that she could name me and that the name wouldn't change, so she was looking for me under the name she gave me and didn't know they had changed my name completely.

Her first question to me was "do you hate me?" I replied I did not hate her at all, and that she had made me very happy by calling and I had been searching for her for a very long time. I could hear the change in her tone as she was expecting the worst. I found out I have a pretty big family and I am going to meet her in the next few months. I have to wait for my vacation to reset.

I know this much for sure, before I found her I was a very angry fella, I had issues with most people, I had issues with the wife, I basically hated everybody and everything. I would blowup at the littlest things.

Since I talked to my mom, that is gone...I can't explain it, but it simply vanished. things that would set me off, now don't bother me in the least. I am so laid back it is comical. I have never felt such a feeling of utter peace in my life, I think it is hard for anyone who is not adopted to understand, even I don't quite understand it.

I had wanted to meet her while she was still alive so she would know I turned out pretty good and that I didn't hold anything against her, she is 73 and I am 53. I had this as my life's mission and now I don't know what to do from here, it almost like retiring in a sense as now I get to do something else and relax.

I am curious to know if anyone else on here was adopted and met their birth parents or family.

 

[4wd4ws]

Damn dude, heavy sh!t. I'm glad you found peace. "thumbsup"

 

[wings_of_fire]

53 years and you are at peace??...

If in your place, I would have settled the score with whoever was guilty. Remember, that someone directly or indirectly controlled 53 years of your life. No place for pardon.

 

[4wd4ws]

Crack pipe. Down.

 

[wings_of_fire]

Warm and cozy SHEEP wool.

 

[4wd4ws]

I rest my case...

 

[allanon1965]

53 years and you are at peace??...

If in your place, I would have settled the score with whoever was guilty. Remember, that someone directly or indirectly controlled 53 years of your life. No place for pardon.

I thought I would feel that way as well, I was ready to dance a jig on a grave as she is 81 years old (my adoptive mother) I had even started practicing...but when I talked to my real mom, it all vanished... I don't give a crap what happens on that respect now...

A week ago I felt the need to see her in the casket and going into the ground for myself to give me closure, but now I realize that would not have given me the closure I needed... Talking to my real mom is what I needed, so when it boils down to it, I am a 53 year old man who needed his mommy "thumbsup":ror:

 

[allanon1965]

I haven't touched my crawlers in a few months now, I am going to go to King hobbies crawler course tomorrow and actually enjoy myself for a change!

 

[Highmark]

Good for you dude - that's a great story. My folks did foster care when I was growing up and can be incredibly difficult on kids even if the foster parents are amazing so I can't imagine what it would be like to come from that. Sadly lots of adoptive and foster parents don't have the kids best interests in mind or simply aren't good parents to begin with. It's nice to know that you can come out the other side and still find piece and happiness.

 

[CM9000]

my neighbors constantly harass their foster kids. its a damn shame. the keep the kids in the house for long periods of time sometimes I don't see the kids at all. the parents don't work other than scrap stuff.

the kids in return misbehave a lot from what I see and hear, but that's nothing other than the foster parents fault.

im glad your at peace now. I wish my mom would talk to me. but im happy where im at in life.

 

[smog]

That is quite a life story man. It’s unfair that you were denied a more playful upbringing. In my experience as a parent, children are an opportunity to keep joy and levity through the ongoing seriousness of adulthood. Seeing my kids smile and hearing them laugh brings me my deepest joy.

I think it’s cool that you went and found your ma. It’s awesome to hear that she is so happy to connect.

 

[hpiguy]

I'm 43yo now. Was born very sick, and my parents divorced before I was six months old due to things my Dad did. My Dad had nothing to do with me whatsoever, no child support, not one birthday card of anything. When I was around 20 years old, my half sister tracked me down and I now have a really good relationship with both her and my half brother, both younger than me. That allowed me to be a big brother, an uncle, and other things that would have never happened as an only child. I love them and my nieces and nephews dearly, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.

My Dad on the other hand has never said one word. We've never talked about it, not once, not so much as a f you. He's never said why he did the things he did, or why he didn't want me.

It is what it is I suppose. There are some big pros, and some big cons that came out of my childhood. I just put my head down and move forward, it's all I know how to do.

Hopefully you get the closure that you need, and deserve man. I'm all too aware of how much hate and anger you can carry around for years, and where it gets you.

 

[Natedog]

Damn dude, heavy sh!t. I'm glad you found peace. "thumbsup"

X2 "thumbsup"

Good for you dude - that's a great story. My folks did foster care when I was growing up and can be incredibly difficult on kids even if the foster parents are amazing so I can't imagine what it would be like to come from that. Sadly lots of adoptive and foster parents don't have the kids best interests in mind or simply aren't good parents to begin with. It's nice to know that you can come out the other side and still find piece and happiness.

I knew a couple families that fostered when I was a youth (and was friends with some of the kids), both families did the best they could (better than most ime), it's not always easy. Glad you came out ok and now have peace! "thumbsup"

That is quite a life story man. It’s unfair that you were denied a more playful upbringing. In my experience as a parent, children are an opportunity to keep joy and levity through the ongoing seriousness of adulthood. Seeing my kids smile and hearing them laugh brings me my deepest joy.

I think it’s cool that you went and found your ma. It’s awesome to hear that she is so happy to connect.

X2 "thumbsup"

 

[Chiphead]

My mom married when she was 9 months pregnant with me. She then divorced Guy #1 when I was 5. He was abusive and beat us. She then remarried to Guy #2 when I was 6. Guy #2 has raised me and I have taken his last name.

Up until I was 13 I thought the first guy was my biological dad. I learned that I was an "oops" and that the guy I thought was my biological dad wasn't. That there was was this other guy. That messed me up pretty bad.

Around the time I was 15 I got the opportunity to meet my biological father. I hung out with him a few times and then lost touch with him. Last time I saw him was Father's Day 1991. I was 16.

Fast forward to about 18 months ago. I had been curious where/what happened to my biological father and if he wondered about me. Eventually I found him. He had moved from Utah to Florida. I typed up a letter and mailed it to him. He called me back. We had a couple of conversations and now it seems he has gone 'radio silent' again. I was warned that he is flaky. It is strange. I have a half-sister I haven't seen since '91. I want the relationship and learn more about my relatives/ancestors but this guy only wants what is convenient to him.

 

[allanon1965]

My mom married when she was 9 months pregnant with me. She then divorced Guy #1 when I was 5. He was abusive and beat us. She then remarried to Guy #2 when I was 6. Guy #2 has raised me and I have taken his last name.

Up until I was 13 I thought the first guy was my biological dad. I learned that I was an "oops" and that the guy I thought was my biological dad wasn't. That there was was this other guy. That messed me up pretty bad.

Around the time I was 15 I got the opportunity to meet my biological father. I hung out with him a few times and then lost touch with him. Last time I saw him was Father's Day 1991. I was 16.

Fast forward to about 18 months ago. I had been curious where/what happened to my biological father and if he wondered about me. Eventually I found him. He had moved from Utah to Florida. I typed up a letter and mailed it to him. He called me back. We had a couple of conversations and now it seems he has gone 'radio silent' again. I was warned that he is flaky. It is strange. I have a half-sister I haven't seen since '91. I want the relationship and learn more about my relatives/ancestors but this guy only wants what is convenient to him.

That is what I am afraid will happen here, I hope she wants to maintain contact and face to face visits but I am ready for the outcome either way. I honestly never though I would find her so it came as a shock when I found her with so little effort.. She had said she still was in contact with my father but seems to have backtracked on that statement a little bit. I am fine with that though as finding/meeting her was my primary objective. Everything else, cousins, siblings, father, they were icing on the cake so to speak..

 

[allanon1965]

That is quite a life story man. It’s unfair that you were denied a more playful upbringing. In my experience as a parent, children are an opportunity to keep joy and levity through the ongoing seriousness of adulthood. Seeing my kids smile and hearing them laugh brings me my deepest joy.

I think it’s cool that you went and found your ma. It’s awesome to hear that she is so happy to connect.

I think my upbringing is why I am still such a little kid at heart....I still want to do the things I would have done as a kid..."thumbsup"

 

[allanon1965]

I'm 43yo now. Was born very sick, and my parents divorced before I was six months old due to things my Dad did. My Dad had nothing to do with me whatsoever, no child support, not one birthday card of anything. When I was around 20 years old, my half sister tracked me down and I now have a really good relationship with both her and my half brother, both younger than me. That allowed me to be a big brother, an uncle, and other things that would have never happened as an only child. I love them and my nieces and nephews dearly, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.

My Dad on the other hand has never said one word. We've never talked about it, not once, not so much as a f you. He's never said why he did the things he did, or why he didn't want me.

It is what it is I suppose. There are some big pros, and some big cons that came out of my childhood. I just put my head down and move forward, it's all I know how to do.

Hopefully you get the closure that you need, and deserve man. I'm all too aware of how much hate and anger you can carry around for years, and where it gets you.

I feel your pain bud... I was doing the exact same thing and it got to the point where I was having trouble burying it and I started getting angry and belligerent to people around me, so I sat down one evening in the garage and had a heart to heart with myself... I decided to try again to find her and when I did, it was like some weight had been lifted, then when I got to talk to her, it was all gone in a matter of seconds.



I have never experienced anything like that in my life. I am still shocked that I am not blowing up at people and things like I did a couple weeks ago...stupid drivers and all the idiots that do stupid stuff, gets no rise out of me at all. I just simply don't care if they are being idiots. I am calm and I am taking time to appreciate everything in life now.



The wife and I have not had a single cross word and she is treating me much better now because I am treating her better, I hope this continues from now on."thumbsup"

 

[hpiguy]

Oh I've met my Dad, saw him last weekend actually. I dunno, some of that was lifted when we met over 20 years ago, but some of it just won't go away. And maybe that's on me and not him. Either way, the relationship we do have will never be what it could have been. And a simple, "I'm sorry" would have covered 99.9% of it. We're all human, we all make mistakes, lord knows I make my share. It's how we handle those mistakes that define us as human beings.