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Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Whenever I need to ``get away,'' I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They're terrible! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.'' -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey